Feelings on Forty

I am officially 40 weeks and one day pregnant.  Every day past 40 weeks feels like an entire week.  Your heightened senses tune in to and over analyze every kick, every hiccup.  You are so aware of each movement that you swear you can feel the baby blinking. 

You Google a different version of the phrase "how to induce labor naturally" at least once per day, desperately hoping to find an amazing new method to induce labor that doesn't involve hippo-like sex, caster oil, or nipples. 

You walk, squat, take the stairs, and repeat.  You bounce and rock hopelessly on your "birthing ball," which once served the more common purpose of "work-out ball."  

You beg your physician or midwife to "strip your membranes" despite the fact that the name of the procedure itself sounds horrific. You spend the entire day after having your membranes stripped expecting labor to start, and are rabidly furious when you find the only side effect is crippling pain that leaves you glued to the couch. 

You carefully and eagerly inspect your toilet paper for blood or mucous - anything that points to the starting signs of labor.  It is the only time in your life when you rejoice to find either of these substances coming from your body.  You text your Mommy friends immediately upon its arrival and fight the urge to share the good news with all of Facebook.

You wake every two hours to pee and towel yourself off as you have been sweating profusely. You might as well be feeding a hungry baby every two hours, because you aren't getting any sleep in your current state. 

You clean your house within an inch of its life at week 37.  Then again at week 38.  By week 39 I swear if I have to clean this effing house one more effing time I'm going to lose my effing mind. 

In your mind your new due date becomes dependent on completing random tasks.  If I scrub the grout in the bathroom the baby will come.  When that doesn't work, if I back up all of my files, make DVDs out of all of our home videos, and repack my hospital bag the baby will come.  If I scrub the baseboards, set up and sanitize all of the baby gear, and mop the floors the baby will come.  When none of these things help, maybe he is waiting for the Lions to win their first playoff game.  Maybe he is waiting for a full moon.  The 7th is a weird day to be born, anyway.  I bet no one in the world is ever born on the 7th.  The 8th sounds better. 

Every woman you know is having her baby before you - even those due weeks after you.  You swear if you log on to Facebook to find that one more woman had her baby before you, you are deleting your account forever.  Seriously this time.  You hear that Facebook?  Forever!

None of your maternity shirts fit you anymore, and you surrender to sweatpants and your husband's fleece.  You go to the bank and grocery store in gray Hanes and could care less.  You aren't even trying anymore.  Pretty soon gravity is just going to suck your massive body into the face of the Earth anyway, so who really cares who sees you. 

So that is where I am at on my 281st day of day of pregnancy.  I was hoping that tonight would be the night, but just a few hours ago I looked up the baby's Zodiac sign.  Capricorn, just like me.  I was devastated to read the following:

"There are two very different types of Capricorns.  The first is represented by the mountain goat, always climbing higher and higher; never content until reaching the top. The second is the garden goat, with little adventurous spirit or ambition-happy to remain within a small domain, refusing to budge unless it is pushed."

With that in mind, I'm calling it a night.

The Poopcapades

Sometimes I write a post and then for whatever reason I never end up posting it.  This are my original thoughts on potty training from back in September.  We have made very little progress on this front since then.  Chloe, however, has found there is power in the word poop.  She only has to "poop, poop" before bed, early in the morning, before a nap, or when she just wants your full attention while she sits on the toilet. 

Having once potty trained a puppy I can truly appreciate the joy and sense of accomplishment associated with each successful potty.  I, myself, am guilty of calling my Mom on numerous occasions to give her updates on Griffin's potty training success.  I also called her in a fit of rage when he went through a short period of regression.  Potty training is stressful, and I'm not exactly looking forward to it.  I am going to make a promise to myself, however.  I do solemnly swear not to post frequent my-kid-pooped-on-the-potty Facebook updates.  Facebook potty training updates baffle me nearly as much as posts from late 20-somethings featuring lyrics and weird music videos.  No one gives a crap.  Probably no one cares that Chloe went poop on the potty, but since this blog is, in its most original sense, for Chloe to read someday, I thought I'd post here vaguely about her pooping escapades.  Also, I love talking about poop.  And farts.  My sister-in-law will vouch for this.

We bought Chloe a baby potty seat and two potty seats for the big toilets in our home.  I figured it was time to introduce the potty considering she had started saying "poop, poop" while pointing at her butt.  She would then proceed to poop in her diaper sometime over the next five minutes.  Now that we have the potty training tools in place, we sit her on the potty every now and then.  Sometimes I ask her if she has to go potty and she will nod her head "yes" or say "mmm hmm," in the cutest little voice ever, which is her version of the word "yes."  She will sit there for a minute or two before getting bored.  Usually nothing ever comes out.  Last week she said "poop, poop" and I sat her on the toilet.  She pushed really hard, but yielded only a fart.  I was cracking up and was very excited for her, so she was pretty excited about it, too.  On September 11 she said "poop, poop" and I sat her on her little potty.  She went a little in her diaper, but finished up on the potty.  That was her first and only successful attempt. 

Funny story.  Yesterday, I left Paul in charge of Chloe while she took her bath.  He tends to get a little sidetracked and when I said to him "How is Chloe doing?  It sounds a little quite in there," I was happy to see that she was still okay.  I was unhappy to see that she was playing with the turds floating in the tub.  Paul freaked and plucked her out of the tub.  She ran into our bedroom where she proceeded to pee on the floor.  As I was cleaning up the pee she ran over to watch Paul clean the poop out of the tub.  Before she got there she squatted and finished her crap right there on the rug.  I then moved to the rug to clean up the soft serve, and she ran back to our bedroom to look at herself in the mirror.  And finish peeing.  I swear.  She was worse than a puppy.  We finally managed to clean up all of the pee and poop, sanitize her toys and much of the upstairs, and get her diapered.

Another funny thing is that Chloe has figured out what it means to fart or toot. She will toot accidentally and then she will try and try to do it again.  One night Chloe farted and Paul told her to do it again.  So she bore down and pushed as hard as she could when all of a sudden she pooped herself.  Her little face was in shock!  We were laughing hysterically and when Paul asked if she need a new diaper she vigorously shook her head yes.  We thought if we had it on camera we could have won some cash.

Honestly, like I said, we haven't made any progress on the potty training front.  I just don't have the energy right now, and I'm pretty sure that Chloe doesn't even have a clue that she pees.  While I'm thinking of it, though, the other morning Chloe woke up at 5:30 a.m. or so and said "poop, poop, Mama."  I just lied there in my bed and grumbled something like "yeah, right" since I knew she only wanted me to wake up.  I told her to go back in her room and play, so she did.  When she got really quite I got suspicious and walked into her room.  She was lying on the floor on her back and I thought maybe she had fallen back asleep, but about five minutes later she ran into my room butt naked flinging her dirty diaper around her head like a lasso yelling "poop, poop."  Thankfully, she hadn't actually pooped.  Just peed.  She must have really wanted a new diaper if she figured out how to strip herself out of her clothes and diaper.

I'm sure I'll have more updates on potty training in the near future, but it will probably follow the sleep deprived zombie months that are sure to start within a week or so.

Mama's Birthday & The First Snow

Because we felt quite sure that a certain someone was going to make his debut on 12/30/11 we asked my parents to come down for the night.  They were going to come for the weekend to celebrate my birthday anyway, but they came the extra night just to be safe.  Needless to say the entire weekend came and went, and I'm still pregnant!  I did have a great birthday, however, and Chloe loves her Grammy and Papa so much that she was just beside herself to have them at her command the entire weekend.

We started my birthday morning by going out for a nice breakfast.  Chloe was a very good girl.  Just when she started getting a little bored the waiter brought out a huge fruit bowl, and she was busy for the rest of breakfast hunting for grapes and strawberries within the sea of melon. 

After Chloe's nap we went to Costco and Best Buy.  My dad bought a new laptop for himself and Paul bought me a new Canon DSLR camera for my birthday.  I'm so spoiled!  I have wanted one ever since we had Chloe, but have never been able to part with that kind of money.  We found an entry level DSLR camera on sale, and it is amazing!  I am finally able to capture Chloe's wide range of emotions.

Later that night Paul made a huge feast with snow crab legs and seafood pasta.  It was better than any restaurant.  Seriously.  We celebrated with cake and ice cream and then played board/card games until the ball dropped.  It was a great way to wrap up my 27th year of life and ring in a new year. 

We received our first real snow of the season.  It is amazing since we are normally covered in a blanket of snow several times over at the start of December.  We took Chloe out to play in the snow.  She really loved it and wanted to stay out longer, but her cheeks were bright red and her eyes were watering after just an hour, so we brought her in. 

We asked Griffin how he feels about having a baby brother.  He didn't have much to say, but I got the feeling he isn't thrilled.

39 Week Update

At my midwife appointment I learned that I am 2-3 centimeters dilated, about 95% effaced, and at -1 to 0 station.  This is all good progress from two weeks ago.  Baby is still head down with his butt facing out.  I do not have Group B Strep; I can't recall if I mentioned that before.  I gained 2.5 pounds this week, but it sort of makes up for the week I hardly gained anything.  My midwife thought that I probably won't need my next appointment, but since you never know I made another appointment for Thursday, January 5. 

I've really been enjoying this week home alone with Chloe, though it has been very exhausting.  Staying at home is really a big change for this full-time working Mom.  Chloe has become quite the little Mama's girl, and I'm so grateful to God for this time we have been given together.  I really should try to do this more often, but it seems to take a week to acclimate her to a new schedule away from daycare, and by then I would need to return to work. 

So there is the latest update!

I'm Still Pregnant

I feel the need to inform all of you that I am still pregnant.  And I am shocked.  I have just nine days left until my official due date of January 6 and have had no obvious signs of labor.  I remember being nine weeks pregnant, having just nine weeks left to go, but never did I think I would have just nine days left until my due date.  Not with everyone saying "If you go early with your first, you usually go even earlier with your second." 

I'd like to just express here my sympathy for women who pass their due dates.  I am a firm believer in holding out as long as possible before being medically induced, but I can finally see the appeal in accelerating the conclusion of your pregnancy. 

Sleeping is nearly impossible, really.  I am used to the frequent pee breaks during the middle of the night, but sleeping on my side is just becoming unbearable.  I mean, I have to have at least 15 pounds hanging to one side twisting my back throughout the night.  And then whenever I stand up I can feel my innards rearranging. 

Sleeping isn't the worst part for me, though.  For some reason the baby's head or arms tend to hit strange nerve endings.  I have a hard time even going out in public anymore, because I will spontaneously and instinctively have the urge to grab my crotch.  The action isn't at all nonchalant like a guy readjusting his balls, but really quite exaggerated.  It literally feels like my vagina is going to fall off!  I also have a weird nerve that shoots down my left butt cheek.  It causes me to arch my back and grab my butt.  I can't anticipate it, and I can't stop it.

I have an appointment with my midwife tomorrow.  I think I'll have her check me to see if I'm making any progress.  I seriously feel like I must already be at least 4 centimeters dilated.  I feel as though I can actually feel the dilation occurring, but have had nothing but Braxton Hicks contractions. 

At my appointment last week I had only gained a half of a pound.  I didn't have her check me, because I had Chloe at the appointment, and Paul worked late so he wasn't there to wrangle in my little Chloesaurus.  I can't think of a more vulnerable position, naked on your back with your feet in stirrups, to be stuck in while also being responsible for a two year old. 

I can't remember the last time I have been more pissed off at Paul.  Missing that damn appointment.  I managed to haul my 27 pound kicking toddler into the building after waking her from her nap early.  We were ten minutes late.  I managed to change her diaper in the exam room.  I managed to occupy her with M&M's and Angry Birds while my midwife did her standard check up, but what I couldn't manage is the urine sample. 

Giving a urine sample at 7+ months is really just laughable.  They should really provide a large mixing bowl, but instead provide the tiniest cup ever invented.  I always want to write a note on the cup that says "Just so you know, I pissed all over the outside of your stupid tiny cup, but really, what did you expect."  It is just a matter of sending up a prayer and hoping for the best.  Well this time I actually managed to pee IN the cup.  I was feeling so proud of myself when all of a sudden Chloe decided to be deathly afraid of the giant toilet over which I was hovering.  She started freaking out screaming "POOOOP, POOOOOP," hit my arm, and dumped the pee all over my leg and the floor.  Then she threw her sucker into the pee and chucked my iPhone across the room.  She attempted to salvage the sucker, but I just started screaming.  It scared her enough that she stepped back and started bawling.  I somehow managed to clean myself up and used some disinfectant to clean the floor.  The fact that cleaner was readily available made me think this scenario had played out before. 

Anyway, the moral of the story is that when I finally got my husband on the phone he didn't hear the end of it for about fifteen minutes straight.  I didn't even stop to take a breath.  Because, your day was bad?  Really?  Did you spill your piss down your leg today.  Did you?  DID YOU?!?!?

So I'll let you know how my appointment goes tomorrow.  Paul has sworn to me that he will be present at the exam.  Lucky for him.  I think he used up one of his nine lives last week.

Let the Wait Begin

The real problem with having your first child nearly three weeks early is that everyone, including yourself, expects the second child to come three weeks early.  In fact, if I had this baby as early as I had Chloe, I would have had him on December 19.  Obviously, that date has come and gone and I'm still pregnant.  Further, before I went into labor with Chloe I had clear signs that I was heading into labor for about five days before I actually had her.  So far with this pregnancy, other than the baby dropping a bit, I haven't had any signs of labor. 

I'm not complaining.  Really, I'm not.  I'm fine with the baby coming in January.  I just have this feeling like I'm already overdue.  It is just a little unsettling.  With Chloe I wasn't ready at all.  I thought I would have her a week after her due date like everyone else.  I remember sitting in the bathtub thinking I wish this wasn't happening yet.  It is too soon!  I have too much yet to do.  I worked until 8:30 p.m. the night I went into labor just trying to finish up my last assignments at work.  Perhaps it was the stress of it all that put me into labor in the first place, because this time around I have planned ahead with my work schedule.  The house is fairly clean, Christmas presents are wrapped, the nursery is nearly complete, and here I am in my spare time catching up on some blog posts and backing up all of my digital files.  This time around I'm ready, but the baby is not. 

At this point I'm just hoping that the baby comes after Christmas.  My biggest fear is that I'll go into labor on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day and miss Christmas morning at home with Chloe.  I'll be sure to keep you all posted on any progress we are making over here.  But for now, I wouldn't count on any surprise birth announcements!

Christmas Tree Hunting & More

This year Christmas tree hunting was so fun!  Last year Paul had to work and it was freezing (freeeeezing) cold outside.  This year it was nearly 60 degrees and we had the whole family in tow.  We went to this very cool farm called Kluck's Nursery.  It was a little on the pricey side, but you could pretty much pick any tree at the farm and it would have been perfect.  We all found a tree within the hour and Chloe and Andrew had a blast in the process.  Here are a few pics.

Because we are expecting the baby to come any day now, we hosted Paul's family for Christmas on December 10.  Paul made a big Thanksgiving style feast and I found myself making batch after batch of cookies and other goodies.  I was exhausted.  Chloe ended up eating six cookies and a cup of hot cocoa.  She loves parties, but she really loves her cousins.  She could play with them every day.  Here are a few pics.