ALERT! ALERT! ALERT!

READER BEWARE. There is a serial thief in the neighborhood. The accused is known to target innocent ducks, puppies, and elephants. Victims have been found in their own homes and are reportedly chewed, bitten, and smothered before being left for dead. Authorities need your help in identifying the victims.


The perp has been described as being male with shiny, brown hair and long, floppy ears. If you see this villain alert the authorities immediately and proceed with caution. Do not be fooled by his innocent demeanor. He will attack anything that is soft, fluffy, and squeaky.


(According to authorities, a more recent photo of the perp was not available as his parents have neglected him since his sister was born seven months ago.)