Creepy Creeptsers

A couple of weeks ago I wrote a new post that was hilarious on all accounts. The story was so funny on its own that I had to do very little in order to make it a masterpiece. I mentioned a while back that a coworker of mine, Andrew, and I successfully planned and executed what was arguably the greatest practical joke on earth. Period. I was cracking up the whole time I wrote and edited the story. As I sat back in my computer chair marveling at my work, I moved the cursor over the "publish post" tab when suddenly the voice of reason popped into my head. It started out as a little whisper and the more I listened the more I realized it was screaming at me DON'T DO IT!

We played this practical joke on another coworker, and even though it was all in good fun, no feelings were hurt, and the world is officially a better place because we did it, I realized that in some circles what we did might be considered grounds for say, I don't know, getting fired? It would be an extreme and unnecessary consequence, sure, but the last thing I want to do is get dooced. On one hand I'm happy that I've grown up enough to realize when I should keep my mouth shut (it only took 26 years), but on the other hand I'm disappointed that I cannot share this delightful story.

Anyway, the whole thing got me to thinking about my blog. Originally I just wanted to journal everything because I never wanted to forget my pregnancy or all of Chloe's milestones. I wanted to share our story with friends and relatives. I thought of how amazing it would be if I could read my grandmother's journal. But this isn't a journal. It's a public forum. The more I thought about it, the more I started freaking out about the fact that any old creepster in the world could log on to the Internet, Google my name, and get my life story. I do, after all, have a history of attracting the creepiest of creepsters.

Like just two years ago I was up in Ludington inspecting a vacant laboratory building for work. The owner of the building had the groundskeeper meet me there and give me a tour. The building had been vacant for years and it was dark and scary on its own. They used to test animals there for Pete's sake. But on top of that I'm walking through the building with this textbook redneck by my side. I'm just trying to be pleasant and quick about my business, but this guy keeps casually cornering me, and by the end of the inspection he is telling me how nice and beautiful I am. I was freaking out because no one would have known or heard me if this lunatic touched me. Luckily I got out of there safely, but the next morning I got a phone call. I asked who it was and the deep lawnmowerman voice on the line would just say "Don't you know?" or "It's me." Then later that day the same thing. I received four phone calls from that guy over the next two days before he finally let me alone.

That story is nothing compared to the one I have from the summer after my freshman year in college. I was working at the golf course as a beach volleyball coordinator and beer cart girl. The job was fun, but you had to deal with a lot of wise guys. I got to know a few of the guys on a first name basis because they played in leagues and showed up every week. Well toward the end of the summer this one guy started showing up at my stand every night of the week. Then one night I was closing down my stand at 10:30 or so. I was the only one out there and was just hopping in my car when the guy comes driving up in his truck. He asked me to come to his window because he wanted to show me something. When I looked in he had a video camera and on it was a home video of him and his wife... you know... bow chicka wow wow. Stunned and disgusted I ran to my car and drove away. I mean, WTF? What is it about me that I attract the weirdest people in the world? I'm not sure.

I was talking to Paul about my blog and I asked him what he thought of it. He hurt my feelings a little when he said he wasn't really sure how he felt about it. Said he thought it was dangerous to post all of those pictures of Chloe, our house, our family. I think it only hurt my feelings because he was voicing my own concerns, and he kind of got me thinking there might be some weird person out there reading my blog (lawnmower man?) who is just waiting to up and steal our baby. The thought sounds crazy, but, like I said, crazy people tend to gravitate toward me.

So right now I'm on the fence about my blog. Should I stay, or should I go? I may just make it a private blog so that all seven of you will have to log on before reading. I'll be sure to let you know.