Thoughts on Mother's Day

With my first Mother's Day fast approaching I am spent wondering if I will celebrate in the way my ancestors did before me (okay by ancestors I mean my mom and probably my Grandma if she had lived in a different time) - by slamming cupboards and storming around the house in a fit of rage. I have been getting to know my mom all over again now that I am a mother myself. I understand how she must have felt on a daily basis, and lately I have been feeling a little run down. It seems like I do it all and when I take a step back to assess the situation I am overwhelmed and shocked that I haven't collapsed.

A few nights per week I am still getting up for 2:00 a.m. feedings followed by a 2:30 a.m. diaper change that ends up resulting in a full hour of sleep loss. When I wake up I get myself ready and do another million things to get Chloe ready, drop her off, and go to work. When I get home I struggle to do the laundry, keep the house clean (at least on the surface), take care of my precious baby, attempt some sort of physical activity, pay the bills, and the list goes on. On top of that it takes a full week to prepare and pack for a weekend away.

I feel so overworked sometimes that I find myself rejoicing in the fact that I cannot prepare even a decent package of macaroni and cheese. Just for that I often have the urge to enter into enemy territory and do a victory lap around the kitchen. By the time I turn in for the night I feel as though I have been on an assembly line all day, only I'm not the employee, but the little part that has been shimmied, shaken, and flattened only to be rejected because it is too chubby to fit into its jeans.

But please don't worry about me, Internet. I don't have postpartum depression or depression at all for that matter. This is just my way of storming around the kitchen slamming cupboards and clattering pots and pans because a Hallmark card and flowers from D & W just seem like an insult for a year's worth of blood, sweat, and tears. I feel better already just having got this off my chest, and in an hour or two I will forget all about how hard it is to be a mother.

So thanks again, Mom, for being so great and for working so hard for us even though we are a full grown. The job is never over and your love and dedication continue to inspire me. I love you! Happy Mother's Day.