Belly Button

Paul finally convinced me to remove my belly button ring. He wanted me to take it out because I was going to have a big pregnant belly soon and while he never said so, I think he thought it would be ugly. I wanted to take it out partly because it was a little trashy, but mostly because I definitely thought it would be ugly to have with a big pregnant belly. The problem has always been that ever since I got the darn thing five years ago in college, I have been terrified of taking it out. So for five years I have had the same eight dollar stainless steel bar in my belly button. I was right to be scared about taking it out. I tried for two days to unscrew it by myself. Finally, when Paul figured out what I was trying to do, he came at me with a pair of needle nose pliers and regular pliers. Aaah! It took him giggling and torturing me for ten minutes before he freed me from that silly ring. I will always have the fond memory of driving by the tattoo place and swinging in on a whim with my college roommate to voluntarily stick a needle through our belly buttons.

Now people ask if I think I will have a "turkey-timer" belly button. I can answer with almost 100% positivity that I will not, in fact, have a "turkey-timer." This is because I swear to this day that my belly button is an open orphus. You would need a flashlight and the jaws of life to see the end of my belly button. Of course, I could be wrong. Only time will tell.