Rocking My Big Boy

You have always refused to be rocked or cuddled to sleep, Abram.  I cannot read a full page of a board book before you do a full body twist/Jackie Chan roll and dash down the hallway.  At 17 months you have never listened to a full book.  At this same age your sister was reading Dickens.  Okay, maybe that's a slight exaggeration, but seriously, ever since you figured out how to walk you are the craziest dude. 

Well the other night we put you up in your crib with your paci and Blanky.  You were happy to lie down with them like always, but after about 20 minutes I heard you screaming.  I ran upstairs to find that you were having a Stage 5 meltdown.  I grabbed you out of your crib and brought you to the glider chair.  I wrapped you up tightly in Blanky like I used to do when you were a baby.  I put your pacifier in your mouth and gave you an extra one to hold, because that's how you like it.  I stuffed the little pacifier handle up and under your nose, because that's how you like it.  You are a creature of habit, and I know you well. 

I started singing to you, and instantly you stopped crying.  I sang you a whole mess of songs.  I sang and I sang and I sang until your breathing slowed from intense gasps to calm, steady draws.  You smiled at me.  I smiled at you.  I asked, Are you ready to go night night? and I was floored when you responded with a giant grin and a No.  I said, Do you want to rock with Mommy a little longer? You smiled and nodded your head Yes.  I couldn't believe it.  You understood what I said. 

So I sat there talking to you all about your day at daycare and my day at work.  I recalled our evening jumping on the trampoline, playing ninja, playing campfire.  I reminded you of how we walked uptown to get real ice cream, and how you would have eaten an entire gallon had we let you.  You have such a sweet tooth.  I told you about the bath you desperately needed the minute we returned home.  You smiled at me the whole time I spoke to you.  When I was done I said, Now it's time to go night night.  I brought you in your room, told you I loved you, and kissed my pointer and middle finger before touching them to your forehead - like I always do.  I closed your door and you slept through the night. 

I don't know what it was about that night, but I don't ever want to forget it.  It was the first time we ever had a real conversation where I realized you might actually understand what I was saying.  It was the first time you have ever let me rock you (even when you were a little baby).  I just loved it, and I just love you.

SING, SING, SING!!!

I stopped breastfeeding Chloe before bed at 13 months.  In place of our sweet, cuddle time I started rocking her before she fell asleep, and - to my great surprise - I began singing her songs.  I was really embarrassed when I first started singing to Chloe, partly because I couldn't believe I was just now starting to sing her songs after a whole year for crying out loud, and partly because I'm just a terrible singer.  Honestly, even my humming voice is cracky and bad. 

But there we were... just me and Chloe, and one day I just started singing.  I couldn't even think of what to sing, but once I started I found it difficult to stop.  All of these childhood songs came rushing back to me.  I'm going to write down some of the songs I sing in case my kids are reading this some day trying to remember the songs Mommy used to sing.

1. How Much is that Doggy in the Window (for which I also made up a second verse for the kitty in the window)
2. Do Your Ears Hang Low
3. Down by the Bay
4. You are My Sunshine
5. The Wheels on the Bus
6. This Old Man (which is "Grammy's Song")
7. Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star
8. Away in a Manger
9. ABC's
10. Apples and Bananas
11. Old MacDonald
12. BINGO
13. Humpty Dumpty
14. Bimbo, Bimbo
15. I'm Not Perfect

And about a million other songs I just make up whenever Chloe asks me to.  Like, Puppy Dog, Puppy Dog, Walking Down the Street RUFF!  I just sing and sing and sing, and seriously, I find it hard to stop, because when we are singing my kids are SO happy.  I'll sing all the way through Costco just to keep them entertained.  I'll sing at the checkout, stop to pay, and proceed singing.  When we get back to the car I blast "Toddler Radio" on Pandora through the speakers, and we just SING!  Wiggles, Mickey Mouse, Berkner... baby, I know ALL the lyrics!!!

I seriously think back to that day I made the decision to start singing to Chloe.  I remember when I was done singing to her that first night I sat there quietly for a moment just kind of blushing.  I laughed a little, shook my head, and thought... holy shit, I'm a MOM.  You bet your ass I am.